| BABUMPBABUMP GRINDIN'! |
[05 Apr 2009|02:36am] |
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I think I'm doing a decent job at keeping myself busy. On the flip side, I've lost a lot of patience for the things that I used to do when I wasn't doing shit. WOOOOOOOOW.
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| Dakota Fanning |
[22 Jan 2009|10:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 groggy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Flying Lotus - Rickshaw |
] |
I don't know how I feel about child stars growing up on screen. I would imagine it would be a lot of pressure for someone so young in the industry to be one entity to the public while trying to stay true to themselves. Most of the time, it fucks with that process, and that's why you see all these stars in rehab, snorting coke, or switching teams on ya. I could name a few: Lohan, Spears, Olsens, Barrymore, Culkin, Jackson...weirdos...
But anyway, that's for another time. What I really wanted to rant about was Dakota Fanning. I never liked her and I could never figure out why. She's like Susan Sarandon to me. Like, I just want to punch her in the face in every role, and I know that's WRONG, but seriously, it wouldn't stop me from taking my fist to the spot between her eyes. Maybe it's because I feel she's typecasted: always playing that same precocious little girl. Maybe it's simply the feeling I get upon seeing her face...all I know is that I could never feel quite right.
I saw a preview for the movie "Push" and her face blaring upon my cousin's tv. Even though she's, what, 15 now, I just can't seem to shake that pre-adolescent image of her. Mentally fucked up in the head by the media or not. In fact, I'm suprised she hasn't been caught wilin' out with Kate Moss. I'm not too sure what her character in the movie entails, but from the looks of it, it's almost like she's channeling Natalie Portman from "Leon: The Professional". I'll let you be the judge.
Bitch I don't care if it's snowin.. I want you out there Ho'in!
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore...
Moral of the story...recycle? Idk.
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| Resurrection. |
[21 Jan 2009|04:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
Hell no I ain't dead yet.
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| Fuck |
[30 Aug 2008|04:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drunk |
] |
I lost my phone.
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[28 May 2007|11:52am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
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music |
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House of Fool - My Life Before Today |
] |
I had no idea it was that easy to drop a friendship. I think a strong relationship would have worked things out, especially if we had a so - called "real connection". But if that's how YOU deal with things, then it's NOT on me, it's on you. I have other people who would appreciate my efforts to include them.
I really have a knack for putting the right people priority in my life...and I say that with the utmost sarcasm. They just end up disappointing you in the end. I know I shouldn't expect too much, but I always seem to anyway. And I'm not just talking about one person in particular.
Half the time you make me feel like shit...like I'm not good enough because I feel like you keep having to look further than me when you talk about other girls. We both flirt with other people way too much. I know I talk about other guys, but it's so that I look like I have options, too, and so that maybe I won't be hurt if things don't work out. I keep having to remind myself that we're not together and that it's really unjustified to feel the way I do sometimes. I don't want to put you on a leash, 'cause I'm not your fucking mother. I would never want you to do the same to me.
And the other part of the time, you make me feel so damn special it confuses the fuck out of me. You could have so many other girls...wait...lemme rephrase that...you DO have so many other girls to spend your time with...it's just hard for me to believe that you would ever settle for anything less.
Fuck complications. It's already too late in the game anyway....wtf was I thinking??
By the way, my birthday is on Thursday. I'm turning 18. And I'm really grateful for having Olive in my life :]
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| come on now. |
[17 Dec 2006|12:49pm] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
] |
sometimes I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend.
but some lame guy(s) come around and I remind myself why...
their game is STATIC.
why do I even waste my time? Who I'd Like to Meet: someone who will meet me halfway.
is that expecting too much?
I'm fucking stupid HAHAHAH.
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| Summer so far. |
[22 Jun 2006|01:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Dr. C - Alias &Tarsier |
] |
Ridiculously uneventful for the most part. Let's recap.
The Puke Story
The day before the last day of school I woke up in the middle of the day and was uber hungry. Maybe even beastly hungry. So I look in the fridge and the only thing in there to eat is this questionable spaghetti that has been sitting there for a little less than a week. It smelled a little weird, and I admit, even after realizing it tasted a little funky also, I still finished. Damn...I was pretty freaking hungry.
As I am desperately trying to fall asleep that night, I hear a little rumbly in the tumbly and then pain on my obliques. FOR SURE it's not from working out because I'm a lazy ass, so I assumed that my period was going to be a tsunami. The next morning the pain had gotten exceptionally worse and was accompanied by a pounding migraine. On top of that was the consistent nausea. I didn't feel like eating because the pain was so bad, but I figured that I should eat something so I wouldn't have hunger pangs on top of it all later. So I opened a can of mandarin oranges and went to school.
The whole day was an absolute blur. I remember that we were watching Malibu's Most Wanted in Trig and Tamra's horrible cookies. Then in Spanish we were watching this movie about Mexican immigrants. I had my head down for most of the period and the rest was spent laying on the floor. At the end of the day I went to Physics to test my Terminator Barbie (which, by the way, didn't even turn on :[) and go home to sleeeeeeep.
During my nap I dreamt that I was probably the next Virgin Mary, and this nausea was just morning sickness for the new baby Hay-Soos. Then we celebrated afterward by turning water into wine! Next thing I know I wake up by the intense heat and a gag. Oh shit. JUST KIDDING. Fake out.
So there's this fatty line into the football stadium where the graduation is being held at and man... that line was monstrous. And the sun didn't help at all. By the time Tinee and I got to the bleachers I started getting that prickly sensation and gagging as we were trying to find some seats. I remember the whole 30 seconds thinking WTF...WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE HERE SUPER EARLY LIKE THEIR KID IS FUCKING SPECIAL? I notice Tinee is starting to get a little nervous for me and goes, "Man, where are we going to sit??" I tell her, "ANYWHERE WITH A TRASHCAN." So I just sit down somewhere randomly with a trashcan right next to me, and my head lowers into it. I can hear Tinee in the background beginning to tell people, "Oh, I'm sorry. She's going to throw up here," somewhat laughing inside, because if you think about it, this is a pretty ridiculous situation. Before she even finishes the sentence, I spew into the trashcan...AND IT'S FLOURESCENT ORANGE. HOLY SHIT, THE MANDARIN ORANGES. I DON'T EVEN CARE IF THAT WAS IN FRONT OF A BILLION PEOPLE, I'M FUCKING TIGHT. The rest of the day I bask in my awesomeness.
I like how my mom was in denial that her spaghetti was the cause of it all.
Mom: "MAYBE IT'S THE HEAT!"
Me: "No...it's not the heat, mom."
Mom: "YOUR MENSTRUATION. IS IT HEAVY, HAH???"
Me: "NO. IT'S NOT. MAYBE IT'S YOUR OLD ASS SPAGHETTI."
Mom: "No...no."
Chris took this in honor of me. I'm surprised he's not dead yet.
Ok, so I didn't really recap. I just wanted you to acknowledge that I am a fucking savage.
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[16 May 2006|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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 lethargic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Stereophonics - Lolita |
] |
What in the HELL were in those nachos you made, Fronkabis??
For serious, your beaner concoction makes me feel like I'm gonna die or crap through my mouth. Not that they were bad-tasting...but they make my stomach feel odd like I've got world war II in my bowels. Maybe it's the heat? The mass amount of Craisins? Cafeteria tuna? Heat and cafeteria food is the formula for DEATH.
I probably failed my trig benchmark that I didn't even know I had today.[*EDIT: HOLY CRAP. THIS HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF TYPO BECAUSE IT SAYS I GOT AN A+ ON THAT TEST. NO WAY. 05/16/2006 - C TESTS - Benchmark 9 - 30/30 - 100 A. WTF... I'M IN DISBELIEF.] Good thing Casey sits right next to me. Good thing Casey is a fucking genius. Too bad he doesn't care about too much of anything - except, momentarily, my education. I swear, that boy is so close to perfect, but he doesn't feel the need to give a fuck. That would require too much effort. If somehow fate led me to have his illegitimate children (because, of course, I'd be married to Jake Gyllenhaal), I think our kids would kick so much ass. My inborn asian intellect combined with his insanely perfect genes would create the ultimate human being. The world would be at our mercy. PITIFUL FOOLS.
We'd be, like, the master of 50 cent (no, not the rapper) crane games, winning cheap stuffed animals with our voodoo magic and such. FUCK, WE'LL JUST STARE IT DOWN UNTIL IT GRABS ALL THE STUFFED ANIMALS FOR US. Then we can watch it self-destruct from all the ocular pentration and laugh out of pity for debasing all other machinery. SILLY MACHINES.
I hope his girlfriend never reads that. That would be awkward.
I don't even know what I was leading up to anymore. ( ANYWAY, prom wasn't a complete waste of $500 :D. )
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[30 Jan 2006|03:00pm] |
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mood |
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 jubilant |
] |
| [ |
music |
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King Without a Crown - Matisyahu |
] |
I felt that in the time it takes to do my laundry and clean the house, I could make a meaningful post.
And then I thought, "Fuck it," because I don't want to be sitting here and then have my mind somewhere else...even though my multitasking skills are elite.
So, I guess I'll kill some time with a few random/not-so-random thoughts.
Since when was being a friend an obligation? Sometimes I feel so confined that if I left you alone, you would have one of your bouts of depression. Really, all this for someone who never trusted me in the first place? You want so much for people to understand you, but you never allow them to.
You expect so much from people and when they don't live up to your expectations you automatically have this new permanent unwavering view of them.
You drop obvious hints that something is wrong, yet you never want to explain everything. To be honest, I don't even know how to deal with sad people. I just pat them on the back and despite how much I really mean it, it never ends up looking sincere. I'm not omniscient, but I'm not completely stupid, either. From my point of view it all seems so self - inflicted. Stop ruining yourself.
I really want to visit Egypt.
I don't care what anyone says, I think I could make it on the East coast. I'm doing my laundry while fixing the house. and then I ordered pizza. But exclude the pizza part because at that rate, I could turn into a 2 ton fatty. After dorming the first year, I'll probably be living in some shit apartment overlooking the brooklyn alleyways and 10 cent hookers sucking off some married men on their way home. I'll most likely only be making enough money to barely pay rent and keep milk in the fridge. I don't even like milk. I probably won't even have a fridge, but shit. Life would be perfect.
Who the hell needs cable TV? If I lost the internet, I would be completely out of touch with society. and child pornography. OMGSUCKMELKDJFKLSD.
Sometimes I think I am too nice. And other times, people don't understand why I'm so obscene.
After high school, I'd be more than content to live at least 300 miles away from home.
If it were possible, I'd be more than content to live at least 300 miles away from myself.
May/June = SATs.
Stop being so generous. You make me feel guilty for not giving back as much :[.
I need a J-O-B. Anyone know a place that will hire me? I need to start my NYC trip fund. Donations accepted :].
I think I will grow old and never marry. I'll follow the path of Amy Sedaris and acquire an imaginary boyfriend who beats me yet who I am totally infatuated with. We will never expect too much from each other and commitment wouldn't be an issue. I'll make dinner for two and when he's out late "working" I'll just stuff it down my throat, smile, and think of how lucky I am and how much he really loves me.
Then again, I want a zillion babies.
With Jake Gyllenhaal.
Btw, I watched Oprah the other day with Jake and totally fell in love with him all over again. But then there was that underlying thought that maybe he and Heath have already developed a secret relationship on the set of Brokeback Mountain. Please don't tell me Jake's the taker and Heath's the giver or that Heath's the butch and Jake's the bitch. I refuse to watch that movie for fear that I will never look at Jake the same way. And if we one day got together, buttsecks would not be an option.
[edit] I just got back from Brokeback Mountain like 2 and a half hours ago and Jake still looks immaculate as he is gracefully getting his butt plugged. So basically...I'd still hit it.[/edit]
The current outlook is promising. I think I'm becoming myself again.
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| Shake your head, it's empty. |
[21 Nov 2005|10:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pensive |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Metric - Empty |
] |
Everything begins and ends possessing the same cyclic characteristics. Water evaporates into the atmosphere, condenses in the clouds, and precipitates - only to do it all over again. Again and again. I don't mean to waste this post on elementary science, but to show you that it is universal. I have been too cynical to believe that it was possible to break this continuity.
We are never able to break the continuum.
We just replace what we don't have...what we think we need. Replace and Replace.
one lays up while the other lies down.
To fill that bottomless void. It's never the same to you, where, in fact, it always turns out that way. Why keep searching for the same end?
Because you think somehow that this time it will be different. When was it ever different? If it were, you would be content. So go ahead and fake it.
Keep returning and returning to that same old feeling because it comforts you, not because it's actually real.
A carbon copy. Recycled plastic. Cover songs. Brand-X cereal. It's all the same old shit.
We insist on settling for the processed, manufactured by-product of what we assume to be genuine.
Everything is never 100%
The reality is that we never stop searching until we find what we're looking for.
The reality is that we never know what we're looking for.
The reality is that it's all pretty fucking ironic.
So much for late night epiphanies.
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| Everyone's alive, but ill. |
[15 Nov 2005|09:17pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Daphne Loves Derby - Middle Middle |
] |
Effort... it's a two-way thing, right?
I like how some people tend to present half-assed jobs in their endeavors. No, seriously. You're a winner.
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| Stay cool, motherfuckers. |
[30 Oct 2005|02:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Roots - Stay Cool |
] |
Why are there so many dumb bitches these days?
- girls who can't think for themselves
- girls who seek others' approval
- girls who thrive off of constant attention
- girls who are two-faced
- girls who never shut the fuck up about boys that are hanging off their vag rolls
- girls who are more concerned about themselves, physically
- girls who complain to everyone about their problems
- girls who are too caught up in maintaining their social life
- girls who are judgemental or jump to conclusions
- girls who hide behind an alias
- girls who are materialistic
Etc., etc., etc...I could go on forever. I'm tired of dealing with/hearing your petty bullshit.
Why can't you recognize real friendships, real people, and real problems?
Is it that difficult to possess a mind of your own?
To be honest, I'd rather be blunt and have no friends than to conform to everyone's interests and create relationships with a false basis. I have no desire to become a fake person to you.
If you don't want my friendship, fine, because I'm not on my knees begging for yours.
I could care less.
People need to rethink what it is that they want from others and learn how to communicate.
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| We're singing a new song now and everything starts today |
[21 Oct 2005|06:39pm] |
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mood |
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jubilant |
] |
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music |
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Guster - Keep it Together |
] |
I have so much fucking homework right now. Fuck it.
I have a million things wrong with me and I disguise it all with a smile. Fuck it.
I'm on my rag and it's like a goddamn limbo down there. Fuck it.
FUCK IT ALL.
AHLEEEEEEEEN.
You made my day. I'm a faggot for crying tears of joy.
Don't ask why or how she owns my heart - just acknowledge it. I love this girl.
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| Get over it. It's a goddamn great show. |
[29 Sep 2005|07:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Jamie Cullum - Blame it on my Youth |
] |
I seriously do not understand where the minds of people are these days. The National Eating Disorder Association trying to bring down "STARVED" because they think it makes light of the illness? Oh, I've seen worse things on TV. Believe me, "STARVED" does not find eating disorders amusing, in fact, throughout each episode, it uncovers how the illness affects each individual character negatively. At the end of the show, it reflects on their current situation - how the events in their life cause them to turn towards food for comfort. That's a little more like reality than comedy. I'm sure it does have its comedic qualities, but if it didn't, why would we even bother? Who really wants to watch a show where all they do is purge themselves to death? "STARVED" does not advocate the idea that an eating disorder isn't a serious, lethal illness - they are completely aware of it and the disorder's effects manifest gradually during the show.
And I don't pity those with eating disorders either. As cruel as that may sound, I don't sympathize with your lack of self-confidence and self-control. Fuck your ideals, because there's always someone who is going to be prettier, thinner, smarter, etc. Accept it. Find something that's more important than yourself.
[edit] ( I can't go on the NEDA website without stopping to laugh at this... )
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| whattehsecks?? |
[12 Aug 2005|09:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Decemberists - The Sporting Life |
] |
Ok. So I woke up a little while ago from a nap, and I had the most bizarre dream of having sex with Jarrod Gorbel from The Honorary Title, only to find out that I couldn't feel the penetration because of his needle dick. And on top of that, he thought he was THE MAN while shoving his nonexistent wang there. What a disappointment.
Now he just can't get me hot the way he used to everytime I look at his pictures. Anyone with the same dillema? :[.
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| dlskjglkd |
[28 Jun 2005|11:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 WTF?? |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Letting Up Despite Great Faults - I Hear You Drowning... |
] |
WHO LEAVES A TOASTER IN SOME OBSCURE AREA IN THE GARAGE?
ALL I WANTED WAS SOME FUCKING TOAST.
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| it's hard to get by just upon a smile. |
[22 Jun 2005|01:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Cat Stevens - Wild World |
] |
So yesterday I rekindled my passion for living in close proximity of the bay.
I had the chance to see some old family friends, eat at the cafe that we used to always go to, go thrifting, go to Ikea (ohh yess), and even pass by the lake that we ate chicken at one time on a rainy day.
And I'm thinking...
If we hadn't headed toward the path of white suburbia... I'd be a ghetto thug asian.
Oh, what a horrible fate.
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| hmph. |
[05 Dec 2004|05:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 eh. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Capulets - Summertime |
] |
Hell yes.
I've been going to church every sunday now. Since I'm the only one who hasn't been baptized into Catholicism, my mom's been trying to convert me. Today in the car I guess she tried to make small talk, but it came out as if she was trying to shove the religion down my throat.
"You're used to going to church every Sunday now huh?"
"You like going to Church, right?"
"Don't you feel good about yourself afterwards?"
"Now you know how to praise god!"
"When people ask you if you go to church, you can brag to your friends!"
Brag? Right.
We walked around downtown. Didn't buy anything, except See's candy. My mom told me we would go and get my haircut today since everytime I've asked her for the past month and a half she always says, "Next week." Then she says that we'd go next week. lksadjfklsd. She realized my subtle anger so she says, "Do you want me to leave you there?" and I tell her that I'll just walk home afterward and she says no. SOOO I told her I'd ask Gilbert to take me since she never wants to, and he can't because he just got off of work and had to go back to work at 7. I was still a little pissed off, but I didn't say anything. My mom came into the kitchen and said, "Ok, I PROMISE that we'll go tomorrow, and if we don't then you can...hit me." What in the fuck - I'm not gonna hit you, I'LL FUCKING SOCK YOU. I kid, I would never XD. Oh well, I'm over it. I'm such a brat. What the... carollers are over right now? goddamnit. the end.
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